Why I won't make time for me?

Why won't I make time for me?

Fear of coming to the realisation 

That you left me all alone

By myself

Fear that I will have to face without that front

If I carry on, feed the kids, do the chores, sort work, I don't stop

I'm exhausted by the end of the day

So tired I exhaust myself into bed

That before my head hits the pillow I'm gone

Don't give myself time to reflect or realise

You went without saying bye

I didn't want you to go

I needed you Mum

More then you could ever know

I yearn to see you again 

But you live on in my head

I talk to you all the time

But if I stop, if I make time for me

I'll realise and see you left me here 

For 18months I lived with a front

A strong front to hold it together 

To keep some sort of normality

If I take the time to stop 

I fear I'll end up in a depressed state moreso then I already am

This front is easy to keep busy to say I'm ok

I'm not ok

I'm hurting 

I have never loved anyone like I love you Mum 

Your love carries me today 

Your love knows no bounds 

This separation between us has killed me

When you left me here all alone

I love you Mum, always have and always will. Can't wait to see you again. . .