Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Expressing my loss

At times I find it difficult to express
My loss. My Mum. My all. 
These lyrics say so much. 
Truly express how hard it is.... 

Teri… Saanson Ki Saans Mein, Jo Hoon… Toh Main Hoon
If I’m there in Your breath, only then I exist
Tere… Khwabon Ki Aanch Mein, Jo Hoon… Toh Main Hoon
If I’m there in the flame (warmth) of Your dreams, only then I exist

Tere Hone Se Hi Mera Hona Hai
My presence is there only because You are present
Tujhko Khona Jaise Khud Ko Khona
Losing You is like losing myself
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist

Bin Tere… Mera Kya Hai… Jisko Sunoon… Jisko Kahoon…
Except You, who else is there with whom I can talk or listen to?
Bin Tere… Mujh Mein Kya Hai… Jisko Jiyun… Jis Mein Rahun…
Except You, what else is there that I can live and in which I can survive?
Tujh Mein Hi… Duniya Meri Hai, Tere Ik Pal Mein… Sadiyaan Meri…
My whole world is in You, a moment of Yours equals decades for me
Bin Tere Main, Sehra Sa Hoon…
Without You, I’m like a barren desert
Bin Tere Main, Qatra Bhi Nahi…
Without You, I’m nothing 

Tere Hone Se Hi Mera Hona Hai
My presence is there only because You are present
Tujhko Khona Jaise Khud Ko Khona
Losing You is like losing myself
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist

Tu Mere… Chehre Pe Hai… Raahat Sa Jo… Thehra Hua…
You’re the peace/rest that is spread across my face
Main Bhi… Tere Haathon Mein… Kismat Sa Hoon… Bikhra Hua…
I’m like Your destiny that’s spread across Your hands (palm)
Tu Meri… Rooh Sa Hai… Tujhko Chhu Ke Main Zinda Lagoon…
You’re like my soul, after touching You I feel alive
Jab Bhi Main, Mujhko Dekhun, Mujh Mein Bhi Main, Tujh Sa Lagoon…
Whenever I look at myself, I feel as if I’m looking at You

Tere Hone Se Hi Mera Hona Hai
My presence is there only because You are present
Tujhko Khona Jaise Khud Ko Khona
Losing You is like losing myself
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist
Tu Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
I exist only because You exist
Yun Jo Hai Toh Main Hoon…
This is the only way in which I can exist

Thursday, April 23, 2015

At Times

Sometimes I have to really remind myself that you have passed. 
Wish you were here. Love you mum x

Saturday, April 18, 2015

I can't do this

I don't deserve this life
Mum why can't I just come with you?
I promise I will be good. 
To endure all this heartache
I can't do it. 
I'm not as strong as you... I thought I was

You stuck with Dad although you didn't agree with his thoughts. 
I don't have it in me. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

7 chakras

There are 7 main energy centers in the body, known as chakras. Each chakra is located throughout our body so that it correlates to specific body ailment and physical dysfunctions; each energy center also houses our mental and emotional strengths. When we have a physical issue, it creates weaknesses in our emotional behavior. When we release the stale energy from the body, it can undo any tightness, stiffness, or malfunction of that area. 

The clearing of the energy can also balance our emotional state of mind. The Chakra Mind-Body Balance is a two-way street: if there are certain fears and emotions we are holding on to, we experience physical restrictions, too. 

If you have achiness or stiffness, or certain reoccurring emotions and fears, read along and you may find out which chakra is affected or blocked. 

1st or Root Chakra

Sits at the base of your spine, at your tailbone. 

Physical imbalances in the root chakra include problems in the legs, feet, rectum, tailbone, immune system, male reproductive parts and prostrate gland. Those with imbalances here are also likely to experience issues of degenerative arthritis, knee pain, sciatica, eating disorders, and constipation. 

Emotional imbalances include feelings affecting our basic survival needs: money, shelter and food; ability to provide for life’s necessities. 

When this chakra is balance, you feel supported, a sense of connection and safety to the physical world, and grounded. 

The lesson of this chakra is self-preservation; we have a right to be here. 

2nd or Sacral Chakra

Located two inches below your navel. 

Physical imbalances include sexual and reproductive issues, urinary problems, kidney dysfunctions, hip, pelvic and low back pain. 

Emotional imbalances include our commitment to relationships. Our ability to express our emotions. Our ability to have fun, play based on desires, creativity, pleasure, sexuality. Fears of impotence, betrayal, addictions. 

When this chakra is balanced, we have an ability to take risks, we are creative, we are committed. We are passionate, sexual and outgoing. 

The lesson of this chakra is to honor others. 

3rd or Solar Plexus Chakra

Located three inches above your navel. 

Physical imbalances include digestive problems, liver dysfunction, chronic fatigue, high blood pressure, diabetes, stomach ulcers, pancreas and gallbladder issues, colon diseases. 

Emotional imbalances include issues of personal power and self-esteem, our inner critic comes out. Fears of rejection, criticism, physical appearances. 

When this chakra is balanced, we feel self-respect and self-compassion. We feel in control, assertive, confident. 

The lesson of this chakra is self-acceptance

4th or Heart Chakra

Located at the heart. 

Physical imbalances include asthma, heart disease, lung disease, issues with breasts, lymphatic systems, upper back and shoulder problems, arm and wrist pain. 

Emotional imbalances include issues of the heart; over-loving to the point of suffocation, jealousy, abandonment, anger, bitterness. Fear of loneliness. 

When this chakra is balanced we feel joy, gratitude, love and compassion, forgiveness flows freely, trust is gained. 

The lesson of this chakra is I Love

5th or Throat Chakra

Located at the throat. 

Physical imbalances include thyroid issues, sore throats, laryngitis, TMJ, ear infections, ulcers, any facial problems (chin, cheek, lips, tongue problems) neck and shoulder pain. 

Emotional imbalances include issues of self-expression through communication, both spoken or written. Fear of no power or choice. No willpower or being out of control. 

When this chakra is balanced, we have free flowing of words, expression, communication. We are honest and truthful yet firm. We are good listeners. 

The lesson of this chakra is to speak up and let your voice be heard. 

6th or Third Eye Chakra

Located in the middle of the eyebrows, in the center of the forehead. 

Physical imbalances include headaches, blurred vision, sinus issues, eyestrain, seizures, hearing loss, hormone function. 

Emotional imbalances include issues with moodiness, volatility, and self-reflection; An inability to look at ones own fears, and to learn from others. Day-dream often and live in a world with exaggerated imagination. 

When this chakra is balanced we feel clear, focused, and can determine between truth and illusion. We are open to receiving wisdom and insight. 

The lesson of this chakra is to see the big picture. 

7th or Crown Chakra

Located at the top of the head. 

Physical imbalance include depression, inability to learn, sensitivity to light, sound, environment. 

Emotional imbalances include issues with self-knowledge and greater power. Imbalances arise from rigid thoughts on religion and spirituality, constant confusion, carry prejudices, “analysis paralysis.” Fear of alienation. 

When this chakra is balanced, we live in the present moment. We have an unshakeable trust in our inner guidance. 

The lesson of this chakra is live mindfully. 

After reading this, you (like me) may feel that more than one chakra is imbalanced or blocked. This is because when one is blocked, the other chakras begin to compensate and either become overactive or under-active. 

The best way to start balancing them is to start at the root chakra and work your way up to the crown chakra. Start here for 6 Simple Ways to Balance Your Root Chakra

Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Feeling

As we drove back in the car
As usual my thoughts were with Mum
How I long to talk to her about my feeling
And what's really going on

Little one says she wants to call Nani
Starts to explain who Nani is
Unable to hold the tears 
Car almost goes off track

Can't begin to describe my emotions
Upset and angry
Why my Mum?
Felt so much rage and felt let down

It's only Mum who truly cared for me
Asking me if I'd eaten if I was ok. 
I just want to feel loved again by my Mum
I would do anything to be with her


It's been almost 18months without Mum 
I don't know how long I can continue pretending 
Before the front I did for Mum
Now I ask why do I carry on?

This world seems opaque
Flawed with injustice 
Everyone's life is so perfect around me
But mine is empty

Mum I miss you like beyond belief
I'm done with the world
Full of boat races
Everything is so trivial
Without that true love of a mother 

I feel so alone but have no one to turn to
Feel stupid for feeling like this
The One calls it feeling sorry for myself which frustrates me even more
Makes me feel weak
He was brink of D. Try just being me

Sometimes I think Dubai was a mistake
Took away my routine
Just my flow to be
Into a world where I struggle to make my own

I have so much to say but no one I trust enough to share my deepest truths that will understand or just listen. 
Mum you were it all
Everything I know and love x


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Saturday, March 14, 2015

Brain let us down

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Wedding Anniversary


Today is our 6 year wedding anniversary
The Hukam was in Raag Soohee - the Raag of pure love
I am so grateful for Maharaj blessing me with meeting the one

Thank you Waheguru x




SOOHEE, THIRD MEHL:

If you long for your Husband Lord, O young and innocent bride, then focus your consciousness on the Guru’s feet. You shall be a happy soul bride of your Dear Lord forever; He does not die or leave. The Dear Lord does not die, and He does not leave; through the peaceful poise of the Guru, the soul bride becomes the lover of her Husband Lord. Through truth and self-control, she is forever immaculate and pure; she is embellished with the Word of the Guru’s Shabad. My God is True, forever and ever; He Himself created Himself. O Nanak, she who focuses her consciousness on the Guru’s feet, enjoys her Husband Lord. || 1 || When the young, innocent bride finds her Husband Lord, she is automatically intoxicated with Him, night and day. Through the Word of the Guru’s Teachings, her mind becomes blissful, and her body is not tinged with filth at all. Her body is not tinged with filth at all, and she is imbued with her Lord God; my God unites her in Union. Night and day, she enjoys her Lord God; her egotism is banished from within. Through the Guru’s Teachings, she easily finds and meets Him. She is imbued with her Beloved. O Nanak, through the Naam, the Name of the Lord, she obtains glorious greatness. She ravishes and enjoys her God; she is imbued with His Love. || 2 || Ravishing her Husband Lord, she is imbued with His Love; she obtains the Mansion of His Presence. She is utterly immaculate and pure; the Great Giver banishes self-conceit from within her. The Lord drives out attachment from within her, when it pleases Him. The soul bride becomes pleasing to the Lord’s Mind. Night and day, she continually sings the Glorious Praises of the True Lord; she speaks the Unspoken Speech. Throughout the four ages, the One True Lord is permeating and pervading; without the Guru, no one finds Him. O Nanak, she revels in joy, imbued with His Love; she focuses her consciousness on the Lord. || 3 || The mind of the soul bride is very happy, when she meets her Friend, her Beloved Lord. Through the Guru’s Teachings, her mind becomes immaculate; she enshrines the Lord within her heart. Keeping the Lord enshrined within her heart, her affairs are arranged and resolved; through the Guru’s Teachings, she knows her Lord. My Beloved has enticed my mind; I have obtained the Lord, the Architect of Destiny. Serving the True Guru, she finds lasting peace; the Lord, the Destroyer of pride, dwells in her mind. O Nanak, she merges with her Guru, embellished and adorned with the Word of the Guru's Shabad. || 4 || 5 || 6 ||