Sadness that cuts my heart

It's that feeling of being full

Yet so empty

One where I am unable to have a real conversation without a facade or a filter

One where I cry 

One where just stay busy

But inside I'm crumbling 

I'm so jealous of everyone who has their Mum

Slowly but surely I'm pushing everyone away

Just wish to exit the world

For good

I can't carry on as there is no point of life

Why carry on? 

To meet you Maharaj but

I am the unfortunate the one that just sits and cries

These tears sing a thousand memories

That burst their banks just to be heard

To be felt to be recognized

To feel worthy 

I can understand why someone commits suicide

I can understand what drives them to the depths of despair 

I can understand why they drown their sorrows at the end of an alcoholic beverage 

I can understand that search that thirst to be satiated 

Alas nothing works. Nothing makes me feel complete again

I had my whole world and I know I am wasting this life away

I should be focusing on you Maharaj 

What do I do where do I go?