Saturday, March 21, 2015

Feeling

As we drove back in the car
As usual my thoughts were with Mum
How I long to talk to her about my feeling
And what's really going on

Little one says she wants to call Nani
Starts to explain who Nani is
Unable to hold the tears 
Car almost goes off track

Can't begin to describe my emotions
Upset and angry
Why my Mum?
Felt so much rage and felt let down

It's only Mum who truly cared for me
Asking me if I'd eaten if I was ok. 
I just want to feel loved again by my Mum
I would do anything to be with her


It's been almost 18months without Mum 
I don't know how long I can continue pretending 
Before the front I did for Mum
Now I ask why do I carry on?

This world seems opaque
Flawed with injustice 
Everyone's life is so perfect around me
But mine is empty

Mum I miss you like beyond belief
I'm done with the world
Full of boat races
Everything is so trivial
Without that true love of a mother 

I feel so alone but have no one to turn to
Feel stupid for feeling like this
The One calls it feeling sorry for myself which frustrates me even more
Makes me feel weak
He was brink of D. Try just being me

Sometimes I think Dubai was a mistake
Took away my routine
Just my flow to be
Into a world where I struggle to make my own

I have so much to say but no one I trust enough to share my deepest truths that will understand or just listen. 
Mum you were it all
Everything I know and love x


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Saturday, March 14, 2015

Brain let us down