Feeling down

Not written in so long
Never knew how hard this marriage stuff is
Theres a deep dark longing to just run away
To hide behind my Guru

Makes you think did I ever really know you
We are so different
We cant even stand to be awake in the same room
Theres no love in your eyes, D just convenience

Every few weeks we end up here
A place that makes my gut turn n twist
Is that all our marriage is a convenience, a habit, one we take for granted

I long to be loved, to be listened, to be cherished by the man who couldn't get enough of me
Now we just irritate to the point where we just let it be.

You make these hand gestures
Like I'm worthless and not worth your time
When will you realise I'm that same girl
You forgot to realise

I broke apart some 6 years ago when I lost my pillar of hope, my voice of reason, my all
That's not your fault D but I wrapped my happiness with Mum's soul
Truly she got the closest to knowing who I was and how I am
I have to listen and get to know you through your friends

I've made a promise to myself never to let you in. You hurt me so much that I just cant take this pain no more
I'm not here for long this world is just a dream
Either stand with me and enjoy what's left
Or see love sail away with no anchor

😔😔😔