Feeling it

For so long I've pushed you down, pushed you away

Stuffed with food, processed crap

Just to keep you quiet

Just to avoid the argument 

I admit I was wrong

I never sat with you

Or gave you the time you fully deserve

As I tried to hold onto normality

For Mum, the family and I

When I used to run around at Mums

Or keep going with Taran

Do the shop, clean, cook

But never let myself crack

Even at night I wanted to be alone

Sometimes shed a tear 😢 

To protect my innermost fear

I was scared my love

I was petrified

To live a life without

My love 💓 

I sit with you today 

I know you needed Mum 

But i didnt let you stop to feel

To feel that 😢  pain

I'm so sorry to that little girl 

Is that how I would've let my daughter or my friend heal

Or would I have comforted them, been there for them and held them

I hold you today

I make space and time for you

My heart aches to hear from you

All I have today are tears 

In my attempt to honour you

I wont force you, i wont rush you

This will take time

I just want to give you time to heal

To be and feel free 

This sickness I feel in the depths of my stomach is you

Maharaj please forgive me

For not living a life in truth