So Distant...

I feel so distant from you Maharaj
Hence why I have not written to you
Almost a week and hardly a word
Please forgive me

Today’s Hukam explained my sentiments
I made no effort for my Guru
But my Guru made every effort for me
He never gives up on me



He reminds me with each step I take
He reminds me of his love
He reminds me what I miss out on
He knows my hearts secret desires

So many gifts from you Maharaj
I am so grateful
For all the gifts you bestow
Thank you


Soohee mehalaa 5 ||
Soohee, Fifth Mehla:


oumakiou heeo milan prabh thaaee ||

An intense yearning to meet God has welled up in my heart.
As I walked home from the station today I listened to Kailash Kher...Teri Deewani and that feeling, that longing of Maharaj welled up deep inside my heart. I felt saddened because I had been missing this feeling. I had been missing Maharaj. This last week or my mind has been so pre occupied in other stuff that I didn’t give enough time to Maharaj. I feel ashamed writing this but its true.

khojath chariou dhaekho pria jaaee ||
I have gone out searching to find my Beloved Husband Lord.

I remember running up the stairs to go and see Maharaj. When I read this that is what first came to mind. I ran up the stairs to see Guru Ji. What I must remember is that I need to embark on that beautiful journey within myself. To meet Maharaj I need to go within not out.

sunath sadhaesaro pria grihi saej vishhaaee ||
Hearing news of my Beloved, I have laid out my bed in my home.


bhram bhram aaeiou tho nadhar n paaee ||1||
Wandering, wandering all around, I came, but I did not even see Him. ||1||

kin bidhh heearo dhheerai nimaano ||
How can this poor heart be comforted?

When the heart goes through some emotions, I reach out to hold my pillow. I look for comfort. I feel so alone when I miss Maharaj. I feel no one understands me. I want to comfort my heart but at the same time I don’t. The heart yearns for Maharaj and that yearning reminds me of Maharaj. But if the heart is comforted I fear I will stop thinking of Maharaj.

mil saajan ho thujh kurabaano ||1|| rehaao ||
Come and meet me, O Friend; I am a sacrifice to You. ||1||Pause||


eaekaa saej vishhee dhhan ka(n)thaa ||
One bed is spread out for the bride and her Husband Lord.


dhhan soothee pir sadh jaaga(n)thaa ||
The bride is asleep, while her Husband Lord is always awake.

I sometimes feel I pass my life away in sleep. Waheguru calls each and everyday. Not once have I got up at Amrit Vela, to sing your praises Maharaj, like I did at camp. Camp gave me that boost, that energy, that drive to get up. Why can I not maintain that relationship at home?

peeou madharo dhhan mathava(n)thaa ||
The bride is intoxicated, as if she has drunk wine.


dhhan jaagai jae pir bola(n)thaa ||2||
The soul-bride only awakens when her Husband Lord calls to her. ||2||


bhee niraasee bahuth dhin laagae ||
She has lost hope - so many days have passed.

Look What Guru Ji says!!! Even Guru Ji has said it!! So many days have passed. So many days have passed since camp. This is exactly how Guru Ji talks to us. Waheguru.

dhaes dhisa(n)thar mai sagalae jhaagae ||
I have travelled through all the lands and the countries.

khin rehan n paavo bin pag paagae ||
I cannot survive, even for an instant, without the feet of my Beloved.


hoe kirapaal prabh mileh sabhaagae ||3||
When God becomes Merciful, I become fortunate, and then I meet Him. ||3||


bhaeiou kirapaal sathasa(n)g milaaeiaa ||
Becoming Merciful, He has united me with the Sat Sangat, the True Congregation.

Please bless me with the congregation of the true saints. It’s where I want to be. It’s where this soul is happy. It’s heaven upon earth. The true bliss is attained there.
boojhee thapath gharehi pir paaeiaa ||
The fire has been quenched, and I have found my Husband Lord within my own home.


sagal seegaar hun mujhehi suhaaeiaa ||
I am now adorned with all sorts of decorations.


kahu naanak gur bharam chukaaeiaa ||4||
Says Nanak, the Guru has dispelled my doubt. ||4||


jeh dhaekhaa theh pir hai bhaaee ||
Wherever I look, I see my Husband Lord there, O Siblings of Destiny.

When will such a day come? Where wherever I Look all I see is Maharaj?

kholihou kapaatt thaa man t(h)eharaaee ||1|| rehaao dhoojaa ||5||
When the door is opened, then the mind is restrained. ||1||Second Pause||5||

Is Guru Ji talking about the tenth gate? The Dasam Dwar?

Each day we can have a conversation with Guru Ji. He really does talk to us. He really does. Maharaj you are too great. I cannot describe how great you are. My small mind shall never be able to comprehend your greatness Waheguru.