Piriformis / Sciatica left leg pain

From little that I have read

Niggles, pains, disease is stemmed from emotion 

Suppressed, squashed, unexpressed emotion 

It has to release in some way. It does through pains in the body depending on where we store it.

Feeling helpless and not able to fulfill or spoil Mum

Feel inadequate in all aspects of life

Wife, mother, sister, daughter in law,daughter, career 

Imposter syndrome am I truly enough to meet the expectation of society 

Let the world think what they think

My soul is answerable to Maharaj and Maharaj alone 

I've let the people go, not let associated feelings go

I acknowledge the hurt, the pain and that I miss them as they were once part of me 

But I am.beinf taught everything that was born must depart.

I too will depart but before I do I need to remember the almighty the Sahibzade and Sikhi sacrifice 

What will I give up to make room for amrit? 

Promise

The strength of the Sahibzade 

One to admire and be in awe

So young yet so brave

So connected so pure 

At times I want to quit is the truth 

This facade, this presence that I'm ok

Not real, it's not me

But I'm scared to let it go 

Not sure who or what I am

Am I mere droplet from the ocean of Maharaj

Am I even worthy

Can I do this?

I'm struggling

Struggling to keep up 

Mind races ahead but inside I'm broken

Can't keep up at this pace of life 

I'm in your hands Waheguru 

Always have been

Always will be

I'd happily fall into an eternal sleep 😴 

Day to day struggle

I am struggling now

Pushing loved ones sway

Faking I'm ok

Inside I'm broken. I break every day

Seems emotions weigh down on my body

I'm tired, mentally exhausted 

From putting on this mask

It is all on auto pilot

People don't even notice 

I expect the One to know this is so hard

So I push him away even more

Hate he doesn't know I'm crumbling 

I'm going inside 

I sometimes just want to not carry on

I feel like I've run out of steam

Happily close my eyes to just ly in here forever

Never to get up never to return as I'm struggling so bad 

I get breathless quickly and I carry on thinking I'm ok

I know why I'm breathless

I struggle to keep up

My emotions whirl round 

My body processes it by releasing through breath 

I can no longer take deep breaths as I'm too full of emotion

I can't do deep belly breathing cos everything is stuck

Writing this it's just flowing out 

But I'm tired of whirling round in circles 

I'm so tired 

Just want to slip into an eternal sleep😴