Numb

Don’t feel happy just numb of everything feels fake and not important

Why don't he get it?

I could have not dropped a big enough hint
The one just don't care
He seriously does not

Makes me so emotional
Hurts that my best friend, my soul partner does not get me no more
Again makes me angry too

He will realise when I have no time for him
When baby comes
Baby will be my priority

Not Noticed

Not been noticed
I been really quiet with the one
He hasn't noticed
Only responds to when I ask

A relationship don't work like that
Had a dream that I asked for divorce
Don't want that
Just wish we could go back to being the same

This is a massive change for me

Emotionally, physically, mentally I am changing

I would expect at least from the one

A sit down, a how are you?

Just feels like he don't care

In the month the new soul will arrive

Will have most of his family here

Just want my space at least when the unborn is so small

Space for me to recover and get used to my new life

Why won't people understand?

Is it me being unreasonable?

See these are things I would expect the one to know or at least try and talk to me about?

Just feel isolated

The only stability I have is work and even that ends on Monday

I am independant and don't want to be crowded

The one I want is the one who's not there

Makes me cry

Makes me despair

Maharaj help your daughter through......you are my one and only support through this life

Can I have a hug?

U know Maharaj
I really could do with a hug
From u
I just want to lay my head in your lap
Will u tell me it's gonna be ok?

Will u be there for me?
Why do u feel so far
I long to be with you
Just take me away

I feel so alone
There is no1 here
Probably just my ego which needs feeding
But why do I feel so alone

Soon there will be another soul
How will I cope alone with the demands?
The one don't care
He will put the whole world first before me or unborn one
We just come to the end of the list

But Maharaj u don't leave us
We need you more than ever
Hold our hands
The one focus on himself

He built the house
He built the shed
He did everything
I didn't support in anything

Like I said it's probably the ego
Buy been feeling like this for a while
I have given so much in this relationship
I have nothing more to give
Physically, mentally and emotionally
I'm tired.

There is no one I can turn to
Who really loves me
Gives me comfort
My Mum
Even she has her own issues
Be with her
Help her through
She is one woman who gives and gives

I can't even give at this pre baby stage
My heart hurts
I don't know where to turn
Which direction to go

Tears stream down
I just wish I could hug you Maharaj
And lay my head in your lap and
Slowly drift into an eternal sleep

In the womb Hukam

This Hukam is not just for the baby
It is a constant reminder that inside we were attached to Maharaj

Outside we are attached to maya

The West make out that inside the baby inside a mother's womb is happy
I think so but I cannot help wonder that it must be tight and cramp
Its addiction to Maharaj keep him/her happy

Inside the womb we remember Maharaj
At every saas
Saas saas simroh Gobind

As a mother to be I make an Ardaas to Maharaj
Please keep your baby safe and hamesha attached to you, my Guru





SHALOK: Creating the soul, the Lord places this creation in the womb of the mother. With each and every breath, it meditates in remembrance on the Lord, O Nanak; it is not consumed by the great fire. || 1 || With its head down, and feet up, it dwells in that slimy place. O Nanak, how could we forget the Master? Through His Name, we are saved. || 2 || PAUREE: From egg and sperm, you were conceived, and placed in the fire of the womb. Head downwards, you abided restlessly in that dark, dismal, terrible hell. Remembering the Lord in meditation, you were not burnt; enshrine Him in your heart, mind and body. In that treacherous place, He protected and preserved you; do not forget Him, even for an instant. Forgetting God, you shall never find peace; you shall forfeit your life, and depart. || 2 || Sunday, 2nd Maagh (Samvat 543 Nanakshahi) (Page: 706)

Why do I feel so sad?

Alicia Keys - Why do I feel so Sad ----describes how I have been feeling in the last few weeks


Friends we've been for so long


Now true colors are showing

Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does

Cuz I had to say goodbye



By now I should know

That in time things would change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad



How can I adjust

To the way that things are going

It's killing me slowly

Oh I just want it to be how it used to be



Cuz I wish that I could stay

But in time things would change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad



You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize

Your actions speak much louder than words

So tell me why oh



By now I should know that

That in time things would change

So it shouldn't be it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad



By now I should know

That in time things would change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad



By now by now I should know

That in time things must grow

And I had to leave you behind

So why do I feel so sad

If it couldn't be that bad

Tell me why



By now I should know

That in time things would change

So it couldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad